Guano, guano everywhere.

At a private wine tasting, the somewhat inebriated host loudly blurted out: You're not gonna believe this, but this is the second conversation I've had today about bat guano.

Red, White, and Blue Cheese?

Old lady: Look at that cheese--such a pretty color! Like one of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.

How does one get that nickname?

In a dive bar in Edgewater:

"Did anyone call Franny-No-Panties? I thought she'd be here by now."